Heaven's Bridge

 I have been writing about Jessica in a writer's group lately. This is one of the stories that I wrote. The events are true and happened after the year 2000.

     “Mommy, my head hurts!” exclaimed Jessica. She went to lie down on the couch and curled up and closed her eyes. It seemed like I was constantly giving her Motrin.  At first I thought it was because she had broken her glasses and we hadn’t gotten them replaced yet. She kept having headaches in the front and back of her head. Two weeks later she started having problems with her gait and then the ultimate symptom that we knew something was wrong, she started throwing up.  By this time it was close to the end of May. The Tuesday after Memorial Day, we took Jessica to the closest ER which was in Hilton Head, SC.

    She was crying and the pain in her head was excruciating. The person in front of us said, “Ya’ll go ahead.” They turned and saw how Jessica was in such pain. We got in rather quickly to see the ER doctor.  He had her do a balance test. He scratched his head puzzled, wondering what could cause Jessica’s symptoms. He ordered a CT scan of her head. An hour later, we got the result. There on the CT scan it showed a mass on her spinal cord at the back of her head.

    The doctor said they would stabilize Jessica and then send her by ambulance to MUSC in Charleston, SC. We had only been living in SC for 9 months when this happened.  James had gotten a job with a law firm as their Network Administrator. So we had no clue as to how to get to Charleston from Hilton Head.

   We rushed home and I packed for all of us, and we headed to Charleston, SC and to The Medical University of South Carolina also known as MUSC. We got to the hospital in the wee hours of the night. The nurse let us go see Jessica get settled into the PICU area of the hospital. Only adults could go in there to see the children, so James and I had to take turns sitting with the other two kids. We went later and got checked into the hotel and took a nap.

   On June 5, 2000, Jessica had her surgery that morning to remove a baseball size tumor from the back of her head. It was located at the top of her brain stem. It took about 6 hours for the surgery. I distinctly remember going to see her after she came back to the PICU from recovery. An intern approached me and started talking to me about Chemotherapy and Radiation treatments. I looked at him like he was crazy.  I told him, “My daughter didn’t have Cancer!”  I started yelling at him to go away. Before I knew it my husband was there holding me while I was sobbing. He then said to the Doctor, “Do not approach my wife about the treatments without me by her side under any circumstances.”

    Once Jessica was stable she was moved into her own private room.  Our other two children were able to come and visit her at this time. She was at the hospital for a week to recover from her surgery. In the meantime, the rest of us were living out of suitcases at the hotel. Thankfully, James’ work took care of the week at the hotel and our church we were going to at the time in Hilton Head, helped with eating expenses. This was a true blessing.

    Before we could take Jessica home, we had to meet with her doctors. One of the doctors that the kids called Dr. B stated in pretty bleak terms that if Jessica lived for the full year that she would be surprised. She said “When they were in surgery that they could only get 90% of the tumor. It was called an Astrocytoma Grade 3. It was the most progressive type of tumor she could possibly have. She needed 6 weeks of Radiation every day and then she would start on Chemo.” They gave us a couple of weeks before she would have to start radiation.

     James and I talked about it and we decided that we were going through this as a family.  So we decided to move our family down to the Charleston area. James gave notice to his employers. They kept him on retainer for about 6 months which was a true blessing. In that time he was able to be with us and take his time finding another job.

     At this time I was homeschooling the children and I was on several email groups. I had found an advertisement for a 3 bedroom, 1 bath double-wide for rent in Goose Creek, SC. I called the number and talked to Shannon. I told her what was going on and we made arrangements for us to go see the trailer.  Our church from Hilton Head helped us move our furniture to Goose Creek the weekend of July 4^th, 2000.

      Jessica started radiation treatments. She had to go every day for an hour. Then after six weeks of treatments, she got a couple of weeks off before she started Chemotherapy.  We went to visit family at this time. It gave us a chance to get away from the hospital and the routine we had for the past couple of months. Jessica had a lot of struggles during the time she was on Chemotherapy. She was not tolerating the dosage they were giving her.

    Fast forward to June 25, 2001 Jessica was in an out of the hospital from being sick. Camp for kids with Cancer was coming up the first weekend of July. Jessica and her siblings had been invited to participate for the week long adventure.  We talked to the Dr.’s and had a meeting where they told us that Jessica’s tumor was growing and she had maybe 3 months to live. So with that information James and I decided to go on and let her go to Happy Days and Special Times Camp.

     About a month after Camp, Jessica passed away on August 5, 2001. I remember I was sitting with her the night before she died. By this time she was not able to talk, all she could do was shake her head up and down for yes and side to side for no. I was talking to her and said, “Jessica, it is ok to let go and go to Heaven and see Jesus.” I talked about the mansion she would have in heaven and how she could decorate it the way she wanted. She always had loved Winnie the Pooh. So I told her she could decorate the mansion the way she wanted. By this time, Jessica had lost most of her ability to do anything.  She no longer could talk, she could no longer color, which was her favorite past time. Once I gave her permission to cross over that bridge to heaven she was at peace. She had to get permission from us to go. She wanted to know that we would be fine and she would be with Jesus.  This was indeed hard.

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