Guest Post: Shannon Rutheford

                                                     Thank you Shannon for being willing to be a guest author!              

  The Mighty Oak

What would you do if the shop you walk past every day was only visible to you? Would you freak out and run or would you be curious about the secrets that lie within its walls?

Everyone knows the love I have for bakeries. It is the quaint settings, the array of savory pastries and tantalizing aromas of sweet goodness filling the air that make them so enticing. Having spent so much time in them as a child I came to appreciate the talent necessary to become the best.  I remember the days' dad used to bring home loaves of fresh bread and fresh donuts. My favorite bread was the sourdough and my favorite donuts were his apple fritters. I have never had one like he used to bring home and believe me I have tried my fair share of them from everywhere. I miss those days.  In my eyes, my dad was the best baker I ever knew, and my mom was the best cake decorator I have ever known. I still stand by those observations today. I never realized how much I would miss bakeries until my dad was gone. Now I am standing in front of a new bakery opening on Clairmont St. I glance up at the sign: Papa's Pastries. Hmm, interesting. I couldn't wait to check it out.

Day after day I walked past Papa's Pastries waiting to see that open sign, but every day I was disappointed. My granddaughters Nayeli and LeeAnn had been begging me to take them to the park all week and we finally had the perfect weather. It was a beautiful, sunshiny day in our quaint little town of Brenton. With my granddaughter's hands in tow, we walked into town. I glanced toward the bakery and there it was the sign I had been waiting for: Now Open. I was so excited.

I said, "Girls, we are going to the bakery now. I walked them across the street, and just as I reached for the handle LeeAnn asks, "Oma where are we? Are you okay?

"We are at the bakery Sweetheart, Oma is going to buy you guys a yummy donut."

I reach for the handle and LeeAnn interrupts me again. Glancing around she whispers, "But Oma, there isn't a bakery here, that is a tree. Are you sure you are okay?"

"Don't be silly LeeAnn, honey this is a bakery, I can see donuts and danish in the window."

"Oma, please can we go to the park now?" she begged. I caved in and said, "Ok, let's go."

I was sad to be walking away, I wanted to go in so badly but the girls were excited to go play and everyone knows I loved to make them happy. As I sat on the bench watching the girls play I thought about what LeeAnn said. Why couldn't she see the bakery? Maybe there was a tree next to it that I didn't see. Yes, that had to be it. I could not be losing my mind. I let the thoughts go as I ran over to play with the girls. We swung on the swings and spun on the carousel. We had a nice picnic lunch near the brook. Fried chicken and potato salad just like my mom used to make. With our tummies full and our hearts happy we headed home. We walked past the bakery again. I contemplated whether we should go in but it was getting late and the girls were no doubt exhausted after such a long day of play, so we passed the bakery and went home.

The girls were so excited to tell their mommy all about their fun day with me. We shared our whole day with her and I left her with the leftovers from our picnic. After giving my little ladies many kisses and hugs I headed home. The thoughts of the bakery swirling in my mind. I still could not bring myself to understand how LeeAnn could not see it and I could. It just didn't make any sense. 

The next morning I woke up early to greet the day. With my coffee and my dad's journal in hand, I went on my back deck to watch the sunrise. This is one of the many things I enjoy doing in the morning. Watching the sun creep over the horizon, turning the sky into an endless rainbow of colors.  I cannot think of a better place or time to write to him and contemplate life. As night fades and the sun rises I imagine what heaven is like. The piano and cello that gently play in the background are what I imagine music sounds like in heaven. The light show rising in front of me is only a fraction of the beauty that he gets to enjoy every day. I picture him running and laughing, maybe a bit of flirting, I mean it is my dad after all. I need this time. Some people would tell me that he is in a better place, some would say he is healthy, some would say what I do is unhealthy. No one asked me how I felt.

Death is not the same for everyone, and grief affects everyone differently. I do not listen to anyone as far as how to handle my losses because I refuse to let them go.  I choose to remember, I choose to keep him alive in my heart until my heart stops beating. The bakery helps bring his life into focus. Baking was one of his favorite things to do. I need to go to that bakery. I am not sure why it is so important to me but it is. Finally, the sun has risen and I am ready to see the bakery. I am full of excitement as I get dressed for my little adventure.

It was another beautiful day and my mind was moving faster than my feet in anticipation of my little journey. I brought my journal with me so I could take some pictures and put them in it. Another beautiful memory tucked away for our eyes only. I stood across the street and the sign: Now Open was lit. I slowly made my way across the street. Oddly, there were quite a few people out and about on this beautiful day, no doubt enjoying the nice weather. I thought it was a little strange that they walked by the bakery and no one walked in, but I didn't give it much thought. I looked in the window and a tray of huge apple fritters and cheese danish sat side by side. My mouth was watering as I reached for the handle. I noticed the intricate details of the mahogany door I was about to open. My dad would have loved that door. Reaching for the handle I pushed the door open and I could hear the faint jingle of a bell calling attention to a customer walking in. I gently closed the door and stared in awe. Case after case of delectable goodies displayed. There were little round tables with mini barstools under them. Each of the tables had a German stein in the center on lovely pink lace doilies. I had to blink and make sure I was seeing this. How could a place so bright and elegant be empty? I walked to the center of the bakery drawn to a picture on the wall surrounded by ivy. I knew immediately it was Neuschwanstein Castle in Schwangau, Germany. It is a dream of mine to someday see that castle in person. On the back wall is another picture, a beautiful lake in the background. The caption underneath read: Luisenpark Mannheim. Mannheim was where my dad was born. Wow, I thought how neat the owner must be from Germany. That explains the intricate details. I turned myself around just taking in the entire bakery and took a seat. All I could think was that this would have been everything my dad would have loved. I am so glad I came in.

   Here I sit trying to decide if I want to indulge in an apple fritter for old time's sake.  I went on a life-changing journey after my dad passed away. I decided after years of struggling with my weight issues it was time to do something about them. I asked my daughter to accompany me to a seminar for weight loss surgery. She did and after that seminar, I made the decision to move forward. The journey has not been without tears and struggle but it was worth it. I think if my dad were to see me right now he would tell me how proud he is of me. I hold that thought as I get up to find someone who works here. On the counter sat a little silver bell with a little sign that reads: Ring for service. I rang the bell and a young man came to the counter. I stepped back in shock. His eyes widened as I stepped back.

Are you alright miss?

I shook it off and shakily replied," Yes, I'm sorry you just look like someone I knew."

He replied, "That's alright, I get that a lot. Maybe I should introduce myself." His hand extended, "Hello Miss, my name is Pete."

I felt a little woozy as he said his name. He got the gist that something wasn't right, and he came around the counter to hold me up. He helped me to a nearby barstool and sat me down.

"Let me grab you a glass of water, I will be right back."

What was happening to me? Yes, I know that there are coincidences but he looks like my dad did when he graduated from Baker's School. His name is Pete? Girl, you gotta shake it off, I thought to myself. Coincidences happen every day, that is all this was.

Pete had a worried look on his face as he approached with my glass of water.

 "Here you go, um I just realized I told you my name but you never told me yours."

Taking a long sip of my water I whispered, "Shannon, my name is Shannon."

"You have a lovely name, Shannon. May I sit with you for a little bit?" He asked respectfully.

"I guess that would be okay, can I ask you a question?" I wasn't sure at this point what I wanted to ask first.

"Sure." He smiled with a spark of interest in his voice.

"First, I should apologize for the way I behaved. When I first saw you, you reminded me of a younger version of my dad and your name was his nickname."

 I looked down at my glass, hands trembling as I continued, "See he passed away quite some time ago and I miss him terribly. I didn't mean to react that way, I know it must seem so silly."

Pete took a moment to gather his thoughts

."No need to apologize to me, Shannon. You were just feeling your emotions in the heat of the moment, it is better to be upfront than hide how you feel. I don't have anything better to do with my time right now," glancing around at his empty bakery,

 "I am right here if you want to chat awhile. I will even give you a treat of your choice on the house. But let me see if I can guess what you might like? He took a moment to stop and think, he got up and grabbed a plate and spatula, walked to the window and picked the biggest apple fritter there was and brought it to me. "Here Shannon, would this have been your choice?

I blinked a tear away and said, "Yes, apple fritters are my favorite. How did you know? I held that plate in my hand just gazing at the beauty in my hands. Silly isn't it, crying over a fritter.

"Well, Shannon," he exclaimed beaming, "These are my specialty."

I burst out in tears, ever flowing and fierce. My heart never ached as much as it did right at that moment. I must have scared Pete a bit because he ran back into the kitchen and came back with Keenex. "I'm sorry Shannon, did I say something wrong?"

Choking back the last of my tears I sighed and said, "No, you didn't. Apple fritters were my dad's specialty too. He used to bring them home for us kids when we were little. Those and sourdough bread were my favorites. You must think I am silly to be acting like this? I have to be honest, this bakery helped me come alive. When I see bakeries I think of my dad and how much love he found in them. I think about the smiles he brought to those who enjoyed his goodies. It was his life's greatest work. A few days before he passed away, I went in to check on him and he was silently baking bread. I watched him knead the dough in the air, put it in a pan, open the oven doors and pop it in. I watched him open up the oven doors and take it out and set it on the counter. Those were his last hand actions. I knew how much he loved baking and I knew at that moment there was little time left." A few more tears escaped and as much as I wanted to fight the urge to eat that fritter I just took one little bite and was surprised that it brought back memories of my dad's fritters. Am I in the Twilight Zone or what?

After a long pause, Pete stared at me with a gaze that told me he could understand how I felt. "It sounds like your dad was an amazing man. He had much to be proud of, 5 children all bright and well-rounded. Who couldn't be proud of that?

I blinked again, "How did you know he had 5 children, I never told you?"

"I know more than you think I do Shannon. I know that you write to him every day in a special journal, I know you brought that journal here with you to fill it with pictures. I hope you brought a camera to take some pictures."

I could not believe I was still sitting here, I should have got up and run for the hills but I couldn't move. "I did bring my polaroid camera, is it okay if I take some pictures, can I take one with you as well?"

"Of course you can take pictures, and yes you can take a picture of me as well."

I got up and took some pictures, the last picture I took was of Pete. I would treasure that picture forever. I flipped the pictures face down on the table to develop and I sat back down for a few more minutes.

"Pete, I am not really sure what is happening here but I feel close to you somehow. I was drawn to this bakery. It could be because I miss my dad so much and I have done many things since he left and I wanted to feel close to him."

Pete sighed deeply and began, "Shannon, you were drawn here because of the love for your dad. He is proud of you, he knows you miss him. You have come a long way since he has been gone. He wanted the chance to show you that he is well and in a beautiful place, his favorite place, baking goodies and laughing, enjoying his eternal time as the young man he was."

I began crying again, "He can see me? Does he know what I look like now? Where is he, Pete? Where is my dad? I jumped up running through the bakery like a crazy girl.

"Shannon, calm down Sweetie, I am right here. He ran to me and gave me the biggest hug of my life. I could smell his cologne, I could feel him breathing in my hair. "Sweetheart, now you let the rest of the kids know I am safe, happy, and always watching over all of you." With a kiss on my cheek, he told me it was time for him to go. I begged to give him a kiss and he let me. I kissed his forehead like I did so many times before. I let him go and begged him to stay knowing the effort was futile. He stopped in the doorway to the back of the bakery. "I am always with you Shannon. See you later Alligator." He vanished into the back. I walked to my table grabbed my bag, dropped the camera and pictures into it, and I glanced at the castle one last time. Someday I will see you, I thought. I walked out of the bakery and headed down the street towards home. I turned around for one more glance at the bakery, and standing where the bakery was a mighty oak tree stood a single bench sitting to the side. I turned around and turned back not sure that I saw what I saw. I  reached into my bag for the pictures, flipped them over and they were pictures of a mighty oak tree, and in one of them, there was heart carved into the tree, the name Pete in the center. I walked home silently shedding tears of joy. My life forever changed.

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"Never look down on anyone unless you are helping them up."